Friday, December 01, 2006
Ghost sighting
As I was walking on the stair*
I saw a woman who wasn't there....
Ok, it wasn't really stairs, it was a chapel on the college I attended. And some woman was there, I'm just not sure it was the one I was reminded of. Some years ago, a friend of mine dumped me. She wasn't what I'd call an "ordinary" friend. We were extremely close, I told her things I could never tell my solidly-red-state "best friend" who I've known for 30 years. She and I had retirement plans more solid than the ones either of us had with our respective spouses.
But one day, she met a boy. Who didn't like me for vague and nonsensical reasons. Some of the same things he used as reasons not to like me were not unique to me (friends he disapproved of, I knew her ex, I encouraged her to leave her ex). Another friend of hers shared some of the ones he deemed "major faults" of mine, but he liked the other friend just fine. So I lost my dear dear friend.
Studies say that divorce and death are extremely stressful for humans. My situation with her was neither, but it was the single most stressful even that had happened to me at that point and is still in the top 3, some 8 years later. What made it more fun at the time, was that few of my other "supportive people" in my life "got" why it was so important. I got lots of "if she's going to be that way, she doesn't deserve you". Possibly true, but it doesn't fix the rending of my soul an the large part of my life plans that have now disappeared.
Two to three years ago, I felt comfortable enough to mention her name. Last night, I believe I saw her in the audience of our college's choir Christmas concert. She was in the choir in college, so that makes sense. She hasn't lived near here in years, so that is confusing. She has no "reason" other than the college, to be in this area. I'd wondered for some time what I would do if I ever saw her. Now I know: stare. I had a good side view of her, but she probably didn't notice me. I looked for her after the concert, but she was gone. Good. There are people I could reach out to to see if she was here. I have a highly developed sense of curiousity about most things, but not for this. If it was her, I wish her good tidings ('tis the season, you know). If it was not. Well, her twin was lurking about and I wish her the same.
I saw a woman who wasn't there....
Ok, it wasn't really stairs, it was a chapel on the college I attended. And some woman was there, I'm just not sure it was the one I was reminded of. Some years ago, a friend of mine dumped me. She wasn't what I'd call an "ordinary" friend. We were extremely close, I told her things I could never tell my solidly-red-state "best friend" who I've known for 30 years. She and I had retirement plans more solid than the ones either of us had with our respective spouses.
But one day, she met a boy. Who didn't like me for vague and nonsensical reasons. Some of the same things he used as reasons not to like me were not unique to me (friends he disapproved of, I knew her ex, I encouraged her to leave her ex). Another friend of hers shared some of the ones he deemed "major faults" of mine, but he liked the other friend just fine. So I lost my dear dear friend.
Studies say that divorce and death are extremely stressful for humans. My situation with her was neither, but it was the single most stressful even that had happened to me at that point and is still in the top 3, some 8 years later. What made it more fun at the time, was that few of my other "supportive people" in my life "got" why it was so important. I got lots of "if she's going to be that way, she doesn't deserve you". Possibly true, but it doesn't fix the rending of my soul an the large part of my life plans that have now disappeared.
Two to three years ago, I felt comfortable enough to mention her name. Last night, I believe I saw her in the audience of our college's choir Christmas concert. She was in the choir in college, so that makes sense. She hasn't lived near here in years, so that is confusing. She has no "reason" other than the college, to be in this area. I'd wondered for some time what I would do if I ever saw her. Now I know: stare. I had a good side view of her, but she probably didn't notice me. I looked for her after the concert, but she was gone. Good. There are people I could reach out to to see if she was here. I have a highly developed sense of curiousity about most things, but not for this. If it was her, I wish her good tidings ('tis the season, you know). If it was not. Well, her twin was lurking about and I wish her the same.
